For me, the ideal man type is not to have a six pack, but you’ve got to be somewhat in shape. You have to have a nice jawline, eyes and perfect eyebrows. I think it would be nice if every guy was like that, but I’m sorry to break it to you: they’re not.

There are many guys in the world who don’t fit those standards. You can’t wish for every guy to be like that because every guy is different. It’s not just girls that are insecure, it’s guys too. It’s everyone. Girls could say: “I’m not pretty like her,” “my body is not as nice as other girls.” Whereas guys could think “I’m not as fit as other boys” or “I’m not popular like those boys.”

People have made negative comments about my appearance, and it hasn’t been just one time. Both genders can be criticized for their bodies. It’s terrible, but it’s something that is very common in our modern society. Once it happens, it happens. Although comments, thoughts, and opinions like that should not be something we cling on to. Focusing on the past and comments others have said should not affect us because it can mess up your future, health, and self esteem. In P.E classes when people are being chosen for sports, it’s the worst because it’s like “I’m sorry I’m not who you want me to be.” But I don’t care who you want me to be because I’m me. I love myself. Yes, I’m fat but that doesn’t change me. In ads and commercials, they rarely use fat guys. They turn to good looking guys with perfect bodies for shaving and cologne commercials. It’s never about the out of shape guys.

One standard for guys is that you have to be strong. You can’t be too short or have a high pitched voice. You have to be tall and have a low, nice voice. You have to have muscles and that cool aurora. In terms of being tall, I qualify for the boy standard. In body shape, no. Intelligence wise, I think I’m your average smart Asian kid because I have strong math skills. I would want a fit body but not because of what others think of me. I want it for myself. I want to be healthy and live a long life.

The worst part about this, is that people don’t see that. Unless it’s my friends or someone who really gets to know me, they don’t know who I am, what I’m good at, or how I am feeling. My appearance and body does not define that, but in the eyes of society, that’s the only thing anybody sees.

Another insecurity that could apply for guys is “I’m not as popular as that guy.” They see cool guys and wonder why they can’t be more like that group. Everyone has feelings. Yes, it’s uncommon for boys to cry in front of people. Everyone has emotions and it’s fine for guys to cry, there’s nothing wrong with that. When I cry I feel judged because people will say “oh why are you crying? You’re a guy so you shouldn’t be crying.” Then sometimes people ask if you’re okay because that’s their initial reaction. After awhile they’ll tell you it was over such a little thing, so why are you crying?

In terms of how people show their emotions, girls and boys are different. Guys tend to keep it to themselves. Guys have a very different approach; they mainly go towards fighting and it’s all about fists. I am emotional because I get really angry when someone says something about me or about my friends. When others cry, I can feel and understand people’s pain. I start to feel sad too and think “Why is that person upset?” I’ve heard the phrase “man up” a lot, even in the hallways. Usually when I complain about something people will say “grow up” or “man up.” I’ve heard this growing up but it really started in early middle school. I don’t think anybody should keep things to themselves and hold onto stuff. In some ways, I think society should change the way they see boys. Not every boy is going to be that ideal man. If society pushes standards on boys, it is going to cause stress upon a lot of boys. I think that it’s one of the factors that contribute to depression and suicide in high school because it makes people start thinking “I’m not perfect. I’m not who society wants me to be. I don’t belong here.”

Overall, I do not think boys, or anyone, should care about what anyone thinks. Sometimes you should care but you should not let that control you. I am sorry I am not who society wants me to be, but I am me and I am not going to let someone else’s thoughts influence me to change. At the end of the day, they are not in control of your life. You are. You should shape who you want to be. Don’t let other people make decisions for you.