Representing Islam

Staring at the “Modesty Boutique” flyer in front of me on a Sunday morning the five months ago, my mind began dancing with questions: “Hijab: is this me?” “What it is it that compels me to wear one?” “Why is it that I see more beauty in myself when I wear that piece of cloth while prayer than my hair out?”

It was then I realized that whether I become a doctor, journalist, or even a house wife (sarcastically speaking), I want to help my people in the Middle East in some way—it has become my dream, my ambition, my destination where I believe my Creator wants me to go.

It is primarily for this reason that I decided to wear it. I feel that I have an obligation, a responsibility to represent the Muslim Ummah (meaning community in Arabic) — hijab is a constant symbol to others of who I am—it distinguishes me in a crowd and now when I conduct interviews, people know they spoke with a young Muslim woman.

 In addition, I decided to wear it because the hijab makes me stronger and strengthens my faith in Allah, so even if this makes me look hideously ugly in the eyes of someone else, it is for my God I am doing this for and He is taking care of me under his light. This is what I told myself the first three days repeatedly when I felt a bit different.

It is important to understand that the hijab does not automatically make me “pure” or a better Muslim. To me, the essence of my religion lies in my character and my actions, not the hijab or the number of times a day I pray. My actions, faith and character are the greatest accountability on Judgment Day because I could wear this all my life and still have a crappy personality and no faith in Allah and then I wouldn‘t be representing Islam whatsoever.

It astonishes me how so many imams or scholars put a huge emphasis on hijab or praying five times a day without even touching upon the most crucial aspect of Islam: faith—something all the prophets spent decades and decades teaching. Living in peace is the fundamental concept in Islam. Allah in the Quran puts a huge emphasis on how individuals will be evaluated based on their actions and faith.

My favorite verse, in which God says in the Quran, “Surely, the believers and the Jews, the Christians and the Sabians – whoever believes in God and the Last Day and works righteousness – shall have their reward with their Lord; on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve” (2:62).

Moral accountability and faith is everything—and it is something I strive to ameliorate myself in every single day.

A lot of people ask me why I have decided wearing it now and not last year or the years before that? Why now? Well, to be honest, this is something I had began thinking about last year, and in fact, at one point, I was completely prepared and had literally declared to my sisters “I’m going to wear it.” But I decided not to because I knew I did not have enough faith — the complete belief in knowing that there is a greater being helping and guiding me every step of the way. This is  something I did not have: living in peace, no matter how wretched living conditions may be, is something you cannot gain by reading surrahs  over and over—it comes only with the power of faith, belief, and understanding.

As I was watching a New York Times video on a “jihadic trainer” I was sickened and disgusted at the background music playing:
            “Killed for the sake of Islam,
            Killed for the sake of the creed”

Islam today, in the post 9/11 world, is evidently, and by no surprise, associated with intolerance, hatred, and violence. My greatest achievement in wearing hijab is to make an attempt at presenting a message about Islam and its true teachings.

Now that I have began wearing it, I have certain responsibilities to keep because I represent an entire religion—my language, my actions, my personality should all symbolize Islam, so that when you speak to me, you get a glimpse of the teachings of this beautiful religion.

The most important fact is that the hijab makes me happy. I feel like myself when i wear my hijab-- complete.