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Stronger than depression

Anonymous

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I received prank calls. Unknown would call me, laugh, and say nasty things. I thought it would stop after a couple days, but I continued getting them for a good month. I didn’t tell anyone about this because I didn’t want to seem like a loser.

Eventually, the prank calls turned into online harassment through various social media apps. I would wake up to hateful or threatening messages telling me to “stay home”,”go die”, or that I “wasn’t wanted here.”

At first, I ignored them and continued on with my daily activities. Then, kids at school began to make comments and laugh as I passed by in the hallway. They judged me based on my appearance and actions. It eventually got to the point where I had to watch where I walked, looked around corners, and hope a friend would be nearby so I could have company.

Whenever I saw them, I would immediately turn in the other direction or try to find another quick route to get to my destination.

Days turned into weeks. The messages continued, and the bullying at school as well. I began to believe what they said and accepted that I wasn’t wanted here anymore. I often turned to self-harm as an outlet for my frustration.

A few friends tried to help me, but I didn’t listen to them. I believed that I wasn’t wanted here anymore and thought that by disappearing, I’d be doing everyone a favor. This was my mindset for the last few months of sophomore year, and I hated it so much.

There was no one I trusted fully or believed truly appreciated me for who I am, and I began hating myself so much because of that. I hated everything about myself from my looks to my talents. I threw away the mindset of “everything will get better”. Nothing got better. My attitude only got worse, and the level of hatred I had for myself and this world gradually began to increase.

As if things at school weren’t going bad enough, things at home began to get rocky too. I got into constant fights with my family members and argued for days and days over every single, small issue. It seemed as my family didn’t care. They told me that something was wrong with me and others would soon see it too.

Finally, a good friend of mine reached out to me and assured me that people were there for me. I got connected to a group of friends who messaged me constantly to check up on me and to make sure I was never alone.

They prevented me from having thoughts about harming myself again. Through my support group and other methods of coping, I slowly began to appreciate myself more and saw the value of my worth.

Whenever things got hard, I would journal everything out. Spilling out everything, I found it was very helpful. I released my anger and sadness upon the pages of my journal.

I believe the causes of my depression or suicidal thoughts were due to my lack of self-confidence. Even before I was bullied, I lacked self-confidence from the beginning. I also was not open to receive help from friends. I ignored what they said, and wanted to go my own way, which was a dark path.

If you or someone you going through depression, suicidal thoughts or anxiety, just remember that you are not alone. There are others who go through this and overcome it. You can too. If a friend that is going through depression and rejects you, keep on checking up on your friend. Don’t give up on that person.

My biggest advice is to find someone to talk to. It can be a trusted adult, or close friends, or even family. They are there for you and will support you and help you through this. Also, journaling helps very well with organizing thoughts and releasing your anger. Don’t give in to depression. Don’t let depression win. Find the sources available to you so you can overcome depression and look at depression and say, “No. I win.”

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The Online Edition of the Annandale High School Newspaper.
Stronger than depression