Dear Livi,
My best friend began dating this guy a few months ago that I’m not particularly fond of. She’s obsessed with him and automatically brings him to all of our hangouts without asking, regardless of whether or not he was invited. She also tells him everything, including all of the latest gossip and secrets shared between our small circle of best friends. She’s always with him, and sees past all of his annoyances and his rude, obnoxious tendencies. Whenever I hint that I don’t want to be forced to hang out with him just because she’s dating him, she gets extremely defensive and takes it personally. I feel like I’m losing her as a friend and don’t know what to do.
Sincerely,
Fed Up Friend
Fed Up Friend,
Your best friend is excited about dating a new guy and is automatically assuming that her boyfriend will be accepted by your friends because of his association with her. She’s including him in every aspect of her life in an effort to make him feel closer to her. Since your friendship is in jeopardy, you should sit down with your friend alone and express your concerns. You should mention to her that you don’t feel as comfortable telling her stuff in confidence because she immediately shares everything with her boyfriend. Also include that her boyfriend probably wouldn’t care about hearing any of this gossip if he wasn’t dating your friend. Remind her that he’s dating her, not her friends. He really doesn’t care about the gossip in her circle of friends and she shouldn’t try and force a friendship that isn’t compatible.
Love,
Livi
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